At the beginning of the year, a mere 12 days ago, I found myself with an abundance of goals. I’m not usually much for resolutions, but this year I found myself so ready for change. After all, there are so many things I want to do and ways I want to improve. The short days of December had me feeling that pressure all the more.
I’ve been focusing on these goals as best as I can, but already I find myself exhausted. I work all day at work and then I come home to work on eating well and running more and sleeping more and cleaning more and taking more pictures. I have no more time than I did before, and working through it all is wearing me out.
Although I still want to do all of the things I mentioned, I’m about ready to chuck the goals list out the window.
I discovered that a few of my friends have a really lovely practice. Instead of setting goals or resolutions for the new year, they set an intention. One friend wants to linger more in the little moments. Another intends to stop making disclaimers for herself and her work.
I haven’t quite found my intention for the year yet, but I think it’s halfway between “presence” and “permission.”
Last year, I discovered great fulfillment in sitting quietly and calmly inside my own body and actively seeking gratitude. Sometimes it was yoga or meditation or tea. Sometimes it was a few deep breaths and a look around and a smile. It was a rewarding practice, but over time it slipped away without my intentions to anchor it.
This year, I want to move back toward the practice of spending more time in the moment. And when I’m right there, noticing, breathing, I want to accept what I find. Instead of trying to change and push and list and work, I want to take a few deep breaths and give myself permission to be exactly who and where I am.